If you're feeling generous

[teambulimic]

Maybe you can give me a little feedback/criticism on the new one. It's the second song we've recorded. Not great production but until I can get some monitors and ditch the ipod headphones I'm not going to concern myself too much. Lyric and music comments would be much appreciated.

http://myspace.com/miscskeleton

Here's the lyrics

[verse 1]
sky eyes dissipate
and old shoes congregate
it's a human trait
and an awkward phase

[verse 2]
maps tattooed on your floor
of places you once adored
now your stare went blank
and your bedroom shrank.

[chorus]
motion sickness is my buisiness
vertigo from your cell phone
if you're in distress, I'll help you undress
that drywall you call your home

[verse 3]
your door decomposed
all those poor pipes froze
I don't have to ask who made
castles from my clothes

[verse 4]
walls reply an answer
in colors I don't remember
and despite the fight
I can't help but defend her

[chorus]
motion sickness is my buisiness
vertigo from your cell phone
if you're in distress, I'll help you undress
that drywall you call your home

motion sickness is my business
vertigo from my cell phone
if I'm in distress, I hope you'll address
inherent problems with my clones

[out]
we can repair this house
we can repair this house

[guitarguy99]

I especially like the line: motion sickness is my business

I could write an entire song around that line.

Did you write lyrics for Rush?

[teambulimic]

Thanks. I like that one too. Another one I came up with in my car. Any opinions on the song at all?

[teambulimic]

Is it so atrocious that none of you can express it to me in words that I should burn any instrument I've ever touched and quietly commit hari kiri?

[LeonardScaper]

Actually.......by the end of the tune I was kind of liking it.

It has a carnival-like quality.....maybe it's the way the drums meander through the sparce melody created by the guitar.

Your voice fits the whole thing perfectly.

Don't burn anything.

[teambulimic]

Thank you very much. You made my day:D

[spazdr8cr]

i like this song a lot. i didn't think the lyrics read that well but when you sing them they are fine.

I really like the way you over-enunciate, it's very unusual. ANd I like your voice too.

I think the chorus is great.

the drummer/drum parts are very nice. the snare sounds good.

my only slight criticism would be it seemed to take a little time to get going in the beginning.

good stuff man. i would definitely listen to this for fun or whatever.

[teambulimic]

Cool. I appreciate it. I feel you about the beginning. We've already considered It might be a little long on the start. I'm glad you liked it.

[rsadasiv]

Long song, but interesting. I enjoyed it.

PS - I liked Bordering Home as well. A little more rocking than the first one. Sounds like some of the early DCFC demos.

[teambulimic]

Thanks very much. I'll take it as a good sign that you felt up to listening to both of them.:D

Well I didn't get many responses but they were positive so I'm happy with that.

[Sentry68]

+1 lenny for the most part. The drums are by far the most interesting element, although your vocal melody and tone are very unique and interesting. It reminds me of Elvis Costello somehow, despite a strong dissimilarity.

I think the lyrics are largely rubbish, sorry. On the other hand, your delivery is really captivating... It's really your strongest asset and you could work off of that alone just well-- not that many people pay attention closely to the words.

[tbryson]

[QUOTE=Sentry68;34661810 not that many people pay attention closely to the words.[/QUOTE]

I disagree on the comment that many people don't listen to the words;)

I do agree these could make better use of space but for this type of genre/style you can better get away with criptic lyrics...Nice ES-335 f hole Guitar

[teambulimic]

+1 lenny for the most part. The drums are by far the most interesting element, although your vocal melody and tone are very unique and interesting. It reminds me of Elvis Costello somehow, despite a strong dissimilarity.

I think the lyrics are largely rubbish, sorry. On the other hand, your delivery is really captivating... It's really your strongest asset and you could work off of that alone just well-- not that many people pay attention closely to the words.

Thanks for the comments.

Do you mean rubbish as in no good, made no sense, or both? It was attempt at allegory but I'll work with them and try to execute a little better.

[teambulimic]

I disagree on the comment that many people don't listen to the words;)

I do agree these could make better use of space but for this type of genre/style you can better get away with criptic lyrics...Nice ES-335 f hole Guitar

Thanks for listening to it. I'm a fan of not really having people understand my lyrics right away. It gives them an opportunity to have the song be about whatever it makes them think about rather than just what I'm telling them. Although I know I'm kind of shooting myself by doing that because it's hit or miss a lot of time but I enjoy writing them so at least I've got that.

Thanks. It's actually a Godin archtop. It's a ridiculously good value for the money.

[rhcp311]

I liked it. It's not really sticking in my head, but then again, that could just be because I've got Wilco stuck in my head already haha. I liked your voice a lot though. You remind me of a guy named Eef Barzelay who sang for a band called Clem Snide. It's not really a common vocal style though, and I like it. Keep up the good work.

[teambulimic]

Thanks. At least I was beat to the brain space by an excellent band. I'm getting a lot of compliments on my voice. I think I'm getting over my teenage girl self consciousness. I'm listening to Clem Snide right now. I can see where you got that. And thanks for turning me on to a new band. I'm digging it.

[Sad Navigator]

I like the voice. The drums are good. The guitar has that whole Modest Mouse NW indie rock thing happening. I dig it. However, the lyrics...

They're not phonetically interesting enough or chock full of enjoyable vocab to pass for good nonsense clang. They're not strictly narrative, so they don't hold interest that way. Certainly not cringeworthy, but for the genre there's plenty of other folks doing more with their words.

[tspit74]

I listened to this on Friday and didn't get a chance to comment. I liked it then and like it now. I see nothing wrong with the lyrics. The voice kind of reminds me of that guy from Son Volt and somebody else I can't place because I'm not terribly familiar with the genre. I like your drummer too. Hang onto him. He's your ace in the hole. Way better than most.

[teambulimic]

I agree. This is about the fourth time I've attempted to write lyrics for a song so there's definitely room for improvement. I write like I speak for the most part which is usually in all directions at once.

[Dega500]

Nice, the drums remind me a little of Lucky Man by EL&P.

I'm showing my age.

[Sad Navigator]

I agree. This is about the fourth time I've attempted to write lyrics for a song so there's definitely room for improvement. I write like I speak for the most part which is usually in all directions at once.

What's your process? Do you know where you're going before you start? I mean, do you have a topic in mind? And idea of how many verses/lines/rhymes you're going for before you start?

[teambulimic]

I listened to this on Friday and didn't get a chance to comment. I liked it then and like it now. I see nothing wrong with the lyrics. The voice kind of reminds me of that guy from Son Volt and somebody else I can't place because I'm not terribly familiar with the genre. I like your drummer too. Hang onto him. He's your ace in the hole. Way better than most.

Thank you. It's good to hear that my songs are listenable. Ya he's an excellent player. He's only 16 too.

[teambulimic]

What's your process? Do you know where you're going before you start? I mean, do you have a topic in mind? And idea of how many verses/lines/rhymes you're going for before you start?

Well I always have a topic in mind. I don't have any idea about how many lines or rhymes. I just go until I feel like I've expressed what I want to express. That style's not for everyone but I think I can make it work. It's just going to take some experimentation.