Bandmates and bitchy wives

[J.R.1]

Over the last several months, one of our band members has been becoming increasingly harder to contact, never comes to practices, and never returns our calls. His wife has always been kind of a cold fish, so we never really paid her any mind. So the other day, he comes to practice and informs us that his wife takes number 1 priority over everything in his life, including his music. We were like..............Oh............KAYYYYYYYYYYY..... .........so what gives we ask him. Turns out, she's been holding him hostage basically. Been making him buy her a new car and several other goodies. Threatening him with divorce and monumental child support (He makes big bucks) if he doesn't comply. It's really a shame because she is "Uglier than a mud fence on a rainy day" in adition to having the personality of a cardboard box. And I know whatever she's got can't be that good. Unfortunately my friend is a fat goof and thinks he can't get anyone else. We let him vent, and didn't say much, but wow, I wish he'd grow a pair on nuts and kick the silly wench out. Anyone else have any scenarios like this???:freak::cry::eek::rolleyes:

[archiemax]

No, and I hope I never do. Jeeeeez..............

[wades_keys]

Turns out, she's been holding him hostage basically. Been making him buy her a new car and several other goodies. Threatening him with divorce and monumental child support (He makes big bucks) if he doesn't comply.

It's really a shame because she is "Uglier than a mud fence on a rainy day" in adition to having the personality of a cardboard box. And I know whatever she's got can't be that good. Unfortunately my friend is a fat goof and thinks he can't get anyone else. We let him vent, and didn't say much, but wow, I wish he'd grow a pair on nuts and kick the silly wench out. Anyone else have any scenarios like this???:freak::cry::eek::rolleyes:
1: She's a whore
2: If his wallet is as fat as he is, there is another, more compliant whore, right around the corner.

Tell your friend to trade this whore in for one that will actually appreciate the money and gifts, and respond accordingly.

[JimiRules]

Unfortunately yes. We had a pretty popular band in our area. Our singer's girlfriend, who he had a kid with, acted very much like you described. She'd come to gigs, not say anything to anyone, watch him like a hawk, and then once we were finished she'd come up to the stage and get him and walk out the door. He couldn't stay and help tear down or anything. We'd practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7-9pm. He'd show up at 7:30, sometimes 8pm and say, "I have to be out of here by 8:30. That was if he even showed up at all. This went on for a year and a half. Then all of a sudden we find out that she's pregnant again. All of a sudden he stops showing up and finally gets ahold of us and tells us that he's "done with music right now and wants to concentrate on being a dad." We were dissapointed because he has a ton of talent, and we really knew what the situation was.

We tried for about a year and a half to get another singer. We finally do and reform under a different name. This new singer is with us for about 6 or 7 months and we have to fire our new singer for other reasons.

So I approach our old singer and ask him if he wants to rejoin the band after having almost 2 years off. He's very excited and tells us that he'd have to talk it over with his girl and that he'd let us know. He gets back with us a day later and tells us that "he wants to rejoin and that he's not going to let the opportunity pass him by again." At first things are great. He's at every practice on time and stays till we're finished. Suddenly after about a month things start to get like they were before. Showing up late, or not at all. Leaving early because he has to be home by 8:30. Finally he tells us that he told her that if he had to choose right now it would be music over her and that this crap better stop. But who knows, he's got kids with her, so we're taking things one day at a time and just hope that we still have him in the band.

What really sucks is that he's been at the last few practices but his voice has been really bad and it's been really hard for him to talk. He went to the doctor and come to find out he has to get his tonsils out next week. We're having a band meeting on Tuesday to find out about how long it's going to be till he's back and 100%.

So no, you're not alone and I feel for ya. It really sucks when you have one or two people just totally mess things up for everyone.

[J.R.1]

The thing that really gripes me is he's one of those guys that would do anything for anybody. As far as pure talent goes, we really don't need him that much, but we do need his wit and energy. Oh well maybe his wife will get hit by a bus, and we'll be good again!:)

[StratGuy22]

they dont tell u theres a gun inside that pussy that get's loaded and pointed at you once you have a kid. We had a warehouse bay we practiced in all the time. And each practice it seemed SOMEONE'S old lady was pissed at someone. So we would say "ok see you down at the doghouse" And that eventually became our name.


:o

[J.R.1]

1: She's a whore
2: If his wallet is as fat as he is, there is another, more compliant whore, right around the corner.

Tell your friend to trade this whore in for one that will actually appreciate the money and gifts, and respond accordingly. While this is certainly true, I don't think he would enjoy this direct approach!:)

[JBJ]

the girl might be a bit of a wench (i won't make any comments about certain significant others in my band) but i'd make the observation that i seriously doubt any of you would put a band before your wife or mother of your child.

[ckcondon]

Man, I can't even begin to talk about all the different "significant others" who have affected my bands! You can't win against a wife or GF who doesn't want their man to play. Period.
I will add this... I'm now (gulp!) 40 years old and married for 5 years, no kids. I have a great wife and a great career outside of music. I travel for work and gig about once a month.
The key here is that as we grow older (up?) responsibilities and priorities change. That is a fact. There is no way I can dedicate the amount of time to music now as I did when I was 20.
When someone chooses to get married and have kids, they have made a commitment that should be their first priority. Sure, we should all have time for our hobbies and "guy time". Just remember that bands always demand more attention and time than we think, and wives always see it as competition for our attention. Oh, and lets not forget about the drunk chicks who hit on us at gigs (If we're lucky!). Wives LOVE to see that! I can guarantee that's never happened to me on the golf course! It's a hobby that means late nights in bars, drinking, drama and other women.
I'm not going to defend the OP's wife, but there are always 2 sides to the story. It's easy to jump on her for "taking her man back", but who knows what else is going on in their relationship.
I guess I wanted to make the point that no matter what, family comes first. If you want to be a rock star, DON'T GET MARRIED! If you want to play for fun and the love of music (me), respect the fact that you are asking a lot from your family and that they should always be your top priority.
I'm lucky to have a supportive wife, but it's because we understand each other's needs and I make a big effort to keep her happy.

Good luck!

[cherri]

The thing that really gripes me is he's one of those guys that would do anything for anybody. And that is likely why she is able to demand all of his time. Yes, a person needs to make their relationship top priority if it's going to work out. Sadly, she's going to find out that by sucking all the fun out of his life, she will lose him eventually.

[sabriel9v]

Over the last several months, one of our band members has been becoming increasingly harder to contact, never comes to practices, and never returns our calls. His wife has always been kind of a cold fish, so we never really paid her any mind. So the other day, he comes to practice and informs us that his wife takes number 1 priority over everything in his life, including his music. We were like..............Oh............KAYYYYYYYYYYY..... .........so what gives we ask him. Turns out, she's been holding him hostage basically. Been making him buy her a new car and several other goodies. Threatening him with divorce and monumental child support (He makes big bucks) if he doesn't comply. It's really a shame because she is "Uglier than a mud fence on a rainy day" in adition to having the personality of a cardboard box. And I know whatever she's got can't be that good. Unfortunately my friend is a fat goof and thinks he can't get anyone else. We let him vent, and didn't say much, but wow, I wish he'd grow a pair on nuts and kick the silly wench out. Anyone else have any scenarios like this???:freak::cry::eek::rolleyes:


I'd say cut him if it comes down to it. He obviously doesn't care enough about the music and is not driven enough to take the wheel away from his wife.

[J.R.1]

I'd say cut him if it comes down to it. He obviously doesn't care enough about the music and is not driven enough to take the wheel away from his wife.
No, I won't do that, but frankly I think it's going to end badly for him. He can only buy so many material things, and then what will happen is after he's tapped, she'll bail and nail him for his 401K and put a signifigant dent in his "Self Esteem". He's one of those guys that would probably do something crazy if his wife left. So I don't want to add to his grief. As I said, I'll leave the door open, and maybe he'll walk back through it................................................ .........NOTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!:mad::evil:

[niceguy]

I'm so glad I'm not married.

When I was 24 and my former roommate got married (same age), he would come over all the time to play my xbox. I asked him hey man why don't you just get one for yourself?

he said he has to choose: either the marriage or the xbox.

such a small, harmless recreation, and his wife wouldn't have it.

never had a married band-mate, tho.

[SpaceNorman]

I'm a big believer in the adage of NEVER say NEVER...however this is one situation where I'll say NEVER .... twice.

The first NEVER is to NEVER pass judgement on somebody else's relationships. Regardless of what it looks like from a distance - know for a fact that it took two people to make them as twisted as they are - and one of 'em AIN'T you.

The second NEVER is to NEVER allow somebody else's relationship with somebody else negatively impact your relationship with that somebody. If your buddy is failing to meet his commitments to you and the band - it doesn't really matter if it's because of his bitchy woman, a drug habit, a day gig, or a strange alignment of the sun, moon and stars. You simply have to decide if you're willing to live with it. If you are - you get what you get. If you aren't - put all your energy into figuring out how you're going to live without it.

I suppose there's a third NEVER as well ... and that's NEVER even think of putting yourself in the mix in such a situation. No good can ever come of it.

[rockerdiva]

the girl might be a bit of a wench (i won't make any comments about certain significant others in my band) but i'd make the observation that i seriously doubt any of you would put a band before your wife or mother of your child.

Is this the same thing as someone saying they wouldn't put their job above their family? People can say that and mean it, but they still don't mean that they would blow off work on their spouses demand!

Of course I wouldn't put my band before my kids or husband. On the other hand, I wouldn't have a husband who didn't understand how big a part of my life music is. My husband considers band practice to be part of the business of being in a band. In other words, he would never dream of griping about me having to go to practice some evening because he'd rather do something together. He considers it to be one of my professional commitments. I happen to play music for a living but even if it was a sideline, I guess he'd respect what I was doing.

I understand what you all are saying and of course - if you don't make enough time for your spouse there are resentments. Just like with any job - if you work too much and are away from your family too much of the time, there are bound to be problems. So I make time for us - and he would never, EVER suggest I cancel a rehearsal (my work) because he just wanted to spend some time together. I mean, yeah - if something really special comes up I guess you can sometimes cancell a non-essential rehearsal ... but never, ever a gig ...

[gtrbass]

Insecure women can't differentiate between being the most important person in their SO's life and the most important thing in their SO's life. The first red flag in a relationship should be when that happens.

The best advice you could give your friend is to grow some BALLS. His wife can act like she's got him over a barrel, but the bottom line is that she is looking for a man to put her in her place. If his self esteem makes him stick around because he thinks he won't attract someone else, he's wrong. Turn it around on her. She's been hit hard with the ugly stick. The likelihood of her attracting another 'sugar daddy' is low unless she can suck the chrome off a bumper.

Women seek security and financial stability. That is more important over a man's looks. What does a woman have to bargain with? Her ability to please a man. Physically, sexually and personality wise. Sounds like she has none of the above. It's time to trade her in for a better model.

[cherri]

Women seek security and financial stability. Doesn't everyone, male or female, want security and financial stability?

That is more important over a man's looks. What does a woman have to bargain with? Her ability to please a man. Because she sure wouldn't have a life or a career of her own, dreams, goals, plans, or talents. Yep, gals just sit around waiting to please a man....

Physically, sexually and personality wise. Sounds like she has none of the above. It's time to trade her in for a better model.

They have plastic dolls that are almost lifelike, and never demand anything. However with the attitude your words express, a plastic doll would probably dump you.

The scenario posted in this thread is one situation of which we are only hearing one side of the story, third hand. Not enough to make a blanket generalization such as yours.

[BlueStrat]

the girl might be a bit of a wench (i won't make any comments about certain significant others in my band) but i'd make the observation that i seriously doubt any of you would put a band before your wife or mother of your child.

+1000

My family has, is and always will come first.

Fortunately for me, though, I have a great wife and family who are my biggest supporters and cheerleaders.

[ckcondon]

Women seek security and financial stability. That is more important over a man's looks. What does a woman have to bargain with? Her ability to please a man. Physically, sexually and personality wise. Sounds like she has none of the above. It's time to trade her in for a better model.

Wow, That is so ignorant I can't even come up with a reply!

[The Real MC]

There are good wives and bad wives.

When I was married my ex totally supported my club gigging. The club gigging had nothing to do with my divorce.

But some wives are so paranoid about "competition" and/or "entitlements" that they refuse to allow their mates to enjoy a hobby. They will wind up miserable and it will be years before they realize what a fool they have been. You cannot talk them out of it, they have to find it themselves. These wives browbeat it into their husbands so bad.

I'm afraid your friend has been seduced to the dark side.

[sabriel9v]

No, I won't do that, but frankly I think it's going to end badly for him. He can only buy so many material things, and then what will happen is after he's tapped, she'll bail and nail him for his 401K and put a signifigant dent in his "Self Esteem". He's one of those guys that would probably do something crazy if his wife left. So I don't want to add to his grief. As I said, I'll leave the door open, and maybe he'll walk back through it................................................ .........NOTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!:mad::evil:


Maybe it'd be good to apply a little pressure on him and see how he reacts. You're not getting rid of the wife anytime soon, but you can always stress to him the importance of the band and his role as a member. If you have done this and still have problems later on down the road, cut him. Too bad if it hurts his feelings. Nobody ever said life would be easy. Artists who have "made it" are notorious for having relationships plagued with problems from the start. This is because they're so driven and focused on their career and musical objectives that sometimes a bf, gf, or spouse have to take the back seat. It's not a good thing, but it comes with the territory.

[axepilot]

Sorry.......................

Choice between wife (bitchy or not), all of that legal financial rape versus band:

Guess who loses? ;)

[JimiRules]

the girl might be a bit of a wench (i won't make any comments about certain significant others in my band) but i'd make the observation that i seriously doubt any of you would put a band before your wife or mother of your child.

I wouldn't put anything ahead of my gf, and when I have kids I won't put anything ahead of them either. But at the same time it's not cool to give your SO an ultimatum either. If my gf had something that she liked to do, there's no way I'd try to stand in her way and stop her from doing it.

This may not pertain to the original poster's situation, but the singer in my band told me numerous times that is gf gripes to him whenever he has to come to practice, about how "he's not there to spend time with her" and what not. So on non-practice days he'd come home from work and tell her that tonight is her night, they can do whatever she wants to do and her reply is always, "well, I'm going to go to such and such friend's house." So it's not like he's all "band band band", he's setting time aside for her and she's not taking it. The only time she wants to spend time with him is on "practice nights".

[jbviper4]

My W is supportive with a couple of conditions - no late night rehearsals at our place (post 11 pm) and if we have a local gig, she comes out with her GFs and dances (and they drink my cut away during the first set).

I occasionally get a hairy eyeball when I want to practice solo for an hour or two for the third night in a row (which, in retrospect is prolly pretty selfish of me).

[JBJ]

I wouldn't put anything ahead of my gf, and when I have kids I won't put anything ahead of them either. But at the same time it's not cool to give your SO an ultimatum either. If my gf had something that she liked to do, there's no way I'd try to stand in her way and stop her from doing it.

This may not pertain to the original poster's situation, but the singer in my band told me numerous times that is gf gripes to him whenever he has to come to practice, about how "he's not there to spend time with her" and what not. So on non-practice days he'd come home from work and tell her that tonight is her night, they can do whatever she wants to do and her reply is always, "well, I'm going to go to such and such friend's house." So it's not like he's all "band band band", he's setting time aside for her and she's not taking it. The only time she wants to spend time with him is on "practice nights".


well it's your mans problem for not putting his foot down but he's obviously ok with the situation or at least not bothered by it to the point he's willing to do anything to change it...

[Outkaster]

One thing I have noticed from some women i dated is that they do not have anything they are as passionate about as guys do that are musicians. Music is seen as a threat and competition for their time.

[JimiRules]

well it's your mans problem for not putting his foot down but he's obviously ok with the situation or at least not bothered by it to the point he's willing to do anything to change it...

he did put his foot down and told her that he gave up music once because of her and he wasn't going to do it again. That's been about a month ago and since then he's been to every practice, but he got sick a few weeks ago and just found out that he has to get his tonsils out this week. :(

[rhat]

The thing that made me cringe is when the wife of a guy who plays in a band ,, says we are playing at such and such bar .WE?...eeeeeeeeeeeeek yoko alert lol. rat

[sabriel9v]

the girl might be a bit of a wench (i won't make any comments about certain significant others in my band) but i'd make the observation that i seriously doubt any of you would put a band before your wife or mother of your child.


I'm not married and don't have a kid...so its a bit harder for me to relate. But I think you do have to find that balance somehow. Prime example...if you look at the chick on the left in my avatar, she's actually got a kid with the drummer of the band she's in. When I saw Boris in concert I was surprised to find that both of them have a young daughter together and they actually brought her on the road and backstage with them. Boris is by far one of the biggest bands in Japan and HUGE in the indie/stoner metal scene here. Wata, the guitarist chick, has worked on five albums just this yr., three have been released, plus she's touring worldwide with her child in tow. If your bandmate can't get over his nagging wife and will not search for a balance, cut him. Because if you look at other artists and bands out there traveling and doing it, I'm sure at least a quarter of them have families and spouses. Yet in still they find the time to play 150-250 shows a yr. Sometimes its just not easy.

[ckcondon]

There are two discussions going on here.
Those of you who play for your only source of income have a different perspective than those of us who are weekend warriors. It's a different animal entirely. If you do it for a living, your spouse had better understand that it ain't no 9-5 job. Music is a hard career and everyone involved should know what they are getting into.
While my band is important, I already have a demanding job that keeps me on the road about 25 weeks a year. When I'm home, my wife deserves my time and attention. For me to be in a band that takes up one weekend each month is a big deal.
I treat my band as a business, but I have to temper it with keeping harmony at home. I can't tell my wife that "it's my job so back off!".
Face it, the money is crap so I really do it for the love of music and performing!

[Les_Izzmor]

A band is a group. And. It requires those within the group to be responsible to the other members of the group. When you join a band you and your SO should understand these responsibilities. And. If you get a new SO when your'e already in a band, they should understand what being in a band means to your time.

A band, even a band that gigs once a month, is not just some hobby you can put down and pick up when it's convenient to you and your SO. Since you're working with other people everybody in the band needs to make a sacrifice of time and commitment and sometimes money.

It's a sacrifice you have to make. I understand that people in the band make the sacrifice because of the payoff can be great. And. I also understand that the sacrifice for the SO doesn't have such a great payoff.

But. Those are the facts. And. If a band-member and their SO can't live with these responsibilities, for whatever reason, then that person should not be in a band. Or. They should find a new SO.

[sabriel9v]

There are two discussions going on here.
Those of you who play for your only source of income have a different perspective than those of us who are weekend warriors. It's a different animal entirely. If you do it for a living, your spouse had better understand that it ain't no 9-5 job. Music is a hard career and everyone involved should know what they are getting into.
While my band is important, I already have a demanding job that keeps me on the road about 25 weeks a year. When I'm home, my wife deserves my time and attention. For me to be in a band that takes up one weekend each month is a big deal.
I treat my band as a business, but I have to temper it with keeping harmony at home. I can't tell my wife that "it's my job so back off!".
Face it, the money is crap so I really do it for the love of music and performing!

But you're a drummer and drummers usually bail first anyway ;)

[ckcondon]

But you're a drummer and drummers usually bail first anyway ;)
Good thing we're a dime-a-dozen huh? :poke:

[Larry10]

Good thing we're a dime-a-dozen huh? :poke:

A good drummer is like solid gold.

[wades_keys]

A band, even a band that gigs once a month, is not just some hobby you can put down and pick up when it's convenient to you and your SO.

Since you're working with other people everybody in the band needs to make a sacrifice of time and commitment and sometimes money.

I agree 100%.

That said, my perspective is a little different - I don't see my commitment to the band as a sacrifice, since even when I wasn't in a band i would still play my instrument several hours a day.

The only difference is that when i practice, I have to focus on material to learn.

Also some folks feel that they have to work "hard" for hard-working's sake - if the measure of commitment is hours worked rather than the end result, then that is the wrong attitude IMO.

I've seen too many bands let their intensity and desire get the better of common sense; they'll insist on multiple practices per week, but won't do anything to bring structure and efficiency to the practice.

If time is being wasted at practice, and their is no clear direction, the solution is not to practice more!

The solution to many band issues is to work SMARTER, not harder.

[Kerouac]

I had a GF who wanted to be the sun in my sky and have music just turn into a hobby. I took her out for a lovely afternoon, and when we came back, the front door lock had been changed, and all of her shit was in her car. My bandmates and I waved goodbye and I haven't heard from her since. :D

Bitch, if you knew I was a musician and know how I spend my free time, better get right with it before you move in and definitely not press me for a ring!

[sabriel9v]

I had a GF who wanted to be the sun in my sky and have music just turn into a hobby. I took her out for a lovely afternoon, and when we came back, the front door lock had been changed, and all of her shit was in her car. My bandmates and I waved goodbye and I haven't heard from her since. :D

Bitch, if you knew I was a musician and know how I spend my free time, better get right with it before you move in and definitely not press me for a ring!

Well put Kerouac. Did you and Ginsberg toke up a joint and listen to jazz afterwards?

[MartinC]

I've been with my wife a long time-over 20 years and we have two kids. When we first got together, I played in rock groups, played bars, etc. She was cool with it, and later I started playing in flamenco dance schools filled with pretty women. She was cool with that too, even though the money was pretty small. She knew it was important to me, and I tried hard not to get out of hand. Now, I do corps and most of the time, I really don't want to go out and do the gig when it rolls around, but the money is so good, I've just got to go. Wife says go get that money!! So, I'm in a space where my wife wants me to go out and gig. And I explain that to keep from embarassing myself, that requires some practise time, and uh, a new guitar every now and again.

She knew from the get that I was a musician and that no matter if I was making a lot of money, little money, or no money, that it was a big part of me. As a friend said to me, the good ones want you to be happy. She's never tried to talk me out of playing music, for money, or for fun. I guess I could test her by joining a band that never earns money, practises three times a week, gets stoned and drunk, and has a bunch of loose chicks hanging around, but I'd lose patience with that sooner than her.

[dirtybart]

The thing that made me cringe is when the wife of a guy who plays in a band ,, says we are playing at such and such bar .WE?...eeeeeeeeeeeeek yoko alert lol. rat

+1:thu:

[J.R.1]

It's gonna end badly for him I'm afraid. His wifes sister married a fat dork too. After about 15 years of marriage, she threw his fat ass out and found her a new man. I think "little sister" took lessons! OH well, when it really comes down to it, "WGAF"???????

[Outkaster]

I've been with my wife a long time-over 20 years and we have two kids. When we first got together, I played in rock groups, played bars, etc. She was cool with it, and later I started playing in flamenco dance schools filled with pretty women. She was cool with that too, even though the money was pretty small. She knew it was important to me, and I tried hard not to get out of hand. Now, I do corps and most of the time, I really don't want to go out and do the gig when it rolls around, but the money is so good, I've just got to go. Wife says go get that money!! So, I'm in a space where my wife wants me to go out and gig. And I explain that to keep from embarassing myself, that requires some practise time, and uh, a new guitar every now and again.

She knew from the get that I was a musician and that no matter if I was making a lot of money, little money, or no money, that it was a big part of me. As a friend said to me, the good ones want you to be happy. She's never tried to talk me out of playing music, for money, or for fun. I guess I could test her by joining a band that never earns money, practises three times a week, gets stoned and drunk, and has a bunch of loose chicks hanging around, but I'd lose patience with that sooner than her.


Your lucky, I don't see that as being the norm.

[rockerdiva]

That's how it is with us, too. Been together 20 years, married 17. If it gets to where we haven't spent 5 nights together in a row, then I try to do something about that. But my husband doesn't complain about me playing music. Sometimes people ask him if he minds me being out at night, me being around other men, etc. He just laughs and says, "No, I trust my wife. This is what she loves to do!"

But he doesn't consider music to be taking time away from him - anymore than he might consider that place he has to go from 8:00-4:00 every weekday to be taking time away from me! It's just something we have to do ...

Have to add a p.s. - It usually isn't 5 nights in a row. And like someone else said, it helps that I earn money doing it, but I imagine he'd still understand if music was just a very important hobby. And we do have it easy in some ways, I rarely work days, so I get lots of time with the kids and he does usually get to come home for lunch, so we do at least connect every day -

[12Pack]

I've been married to my wife for 16 years. Dated her for 4 years.

If I had "offed" her 20 years ago I would be out on parole by now.

[tucktronix]

My wife and I have been together for about 7 years, married for 3 years. She knew what she was getting into when we were first dating, and she's been generally very supportive of my musician life. My wife has accompanied me on several gigs over the years and has bought me some new gear the past 2 Xmas'es.

Yep, she's a keeper:thu:

[wades_keys]

My wife and I have been together for about 7 years, married for 3 years. She knew what she was getting into when we were first dating, and she's been generally very supportive of my musician life. My wife has accompanied me on several gigs over the years and has bought me some new gear the past 2 Xmas'es.

Yep, she's a keeper:thu:
My girlfriend just let me put a power amp purchase on her credit card.

The first year we were together I spent most of my tax return on a Korg Triton Le.

She's been to several gigs...

I'd say she's a keeper too :thu:

[SpaceNorman]

My girlfriend just let me put a power amp purchase on her credit card.

The first year we were together I spent most of my tax return on a Korg Triton Le.

She's been to several gigs...

I'd say she's a keeper too :thu:

I'm keeping mine as well.

Last week, I replaced my ailing P200 with a brand new CP300 the very day I got the diagnosis of "....IF I can find the parts (circuit board)" from the repair tech without so much as a word of protest from my wife.

In hindsight, I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised to find that the CP300 also came with a 12 place setting of special "holiday" dishes. Quid pro quo isn't necessarily a bad thing I guess.....

[newmaxnew]

My wife plays bass in the same band I am in, so it hasn't been an issue ever.

Max

[wades_keys]

My wife plays bass in the same band I am in, so it hasn't been an issue ever.

Max

Then it sounds like you've got both issues covered :lol:

Bandmate - check
Bitchy wife - check

Just kidding man - that must be cool to rock out with your girl :wave:

[fling the poo]

mine gets sad when i announce "i'm goin on tour darlin!" but when i'm gone she's out doing stuff and supports me. she knows the monotony of tour. its still funny tho to me when she calls in the morning "what are you doing?" "driving" and six hours later "what are you doing?" "driving...."

[Kerouac]

Well put Kerouac. Did you and Ginsberg toke up a joint and listen to jazz afterwards?

Actually, we hit the bong and went to a Deicide show. :lol:

[sabriel9v]

Actually, we hit the bong and went to a Deicide show. :lol:

LOL

[BlueStrat]

She knew what she was getting into when we were first dating, and she's been generally very supportive of my musician life.

Until you start having kids, that is...:wave:

[tucktronix]

Until you start having kids, that is...:wave:

Well... I won't be the first and certainly won't be the last musician to have a wife and kids. She's been very supportive of my music thus far and I doubt that this will change when we have kids.

But we won't know until then, will we.

[BlueStrat]

Well... I won't be the first and certainly won't be the last musician to have a wife and kids. She's been very supportive of my music thus far and I doubt that this will change when we have kids.

But we won't know until then, will we.


My wife is very supportive, too ( I was on the road full time when I met her!). But when we had little kids at home, I had to rein it in quite a bit, as she needed a lot of help, and of course the little ones need dad quite a bit. I started back up pretty hard when the kids were starting middle school.

YMMV, of course!

[rockerdiva]

Until you start having kids, that is...:wave:


Well, my husband always had a day job and he knew I was a musician when we met. And he still knew it later (when we dated), and later (when we married). When since we had kids, he has watched them any night I wanted to play/work. He never acts like he wants more "help" at night with the kids; any night I can work he considers to be for the good of our family.

Yeah, I know - I have it good ...

[BlueStrat]

Well, my husband always had a day job and he knew I was a musician when we met. And he still knew it later (when we dated), and later (when we married). When since we had kids, he has watched them any night I wanted to play/work. He never acts like he wants more "help" at night with the kids; any night I can work he considers to be for the good of our family.

Yeah, I know - I have it good ...

Hey, that's great. You realize, I'm sure, that about .005% of all musicians live like you do!:cool:

You do indeed have it good!

BTW I checked out your website a while back...what I heard sounded good!

[tucktronix]

My wife is very supportive, too ( I was on the road full time when I met her!). But when we had little kids at home, I had to rein it in quite a bit, as she needed a lot of help, and of course the little ones need dad quite a bit. I started back up pretty hard when the kids were starting middle school.

YMMV, of course!

The guitarist in my jazz band has a daughter who just graduated from college and a son who just started his college years. He took a 20 yr sabbatical from playing out, or at the very least, kept it strictly in hobby status for that length of time. The bassist from the same band has 2 sons(one in teenage years, I think). I'm just pretty much a weekend warrior(lately, only a two gig a month soldier), which may make things easier to manage, I guess. I dunno.

[uzybear]

ifyou care about him you gotta tell him honest what you think, even if it hurts him or pisses him off

[J.R.1]

He's a fat piece of monkey shit. His wife tossed his fat ass to the curb!!

[King Loudness]

He's a fat piece of monkey shit. His wife tossed his fat ass to the curb!!:o

[flemtone]

Jeez, you don't sound as concerned and supportive any more. What's the scoop?

[Tank]

Things I've learned about wives/GF and being in a band:

1: If a band member is constantly having to excuse himself to take a call from her at practice...see ya.

2: If the wife/GF comes to every practice and talks more during it than the band members...see ya.

3: If the wife/GF starts talking about being the band's manager...see ya.

4: If the wife/GF starts fights with your band member at gigs or is dragging him out the second your set is over...see ya.

5: If the wife/GF feels it's her "right" to argue with anyone in the band...see ya.

Seriously, it's not worth the hassle and waste of time that comes with dealing with these type of band members and their women. You can either spend months or years dealing with it, only to have her "win" by getting your band member to quit, or you can toss his ass now and spend a month or two looking for a replacement. Either way he has to go because he either isn't serious about playing music and let's his woman control him or he's a pussy that can't set boundaries for his woman.

:idk:

[wades_keys]

Things I've learned about wives/GF and being in a band:

1: If a band member is constantly having to excuse himself to take a call from her at practice...see ya.

2: If the wife/GF comes to every practice and talks more during it than the band members...see ya.

3: If the wife/GF starts talking about being the band's manager...see ya.

4: If the wife/GF starts fights with your band member at gigs or is dragging him out the second your set is over...see ya.

5: If the wife/GF feels it's her "right" to argue with anyone in the band...see ya.

Seriously, it's not worth the hassle and waste of time that comes with dealing with these type of band members and their women. You can either spend months or years dealing with it, only to have her "win" by getting your band member to quit, or you can toss his ass now and spend a month or two looking for a replacement. Either way he has to go because he either isn't serious about playing music and let's his woman control him or he's a pussy that can't set boundaries for his woman.

:idk:
:thu:

I just file that under the general-purpose "drama" category - who needs it?

Side note: A lot of these types that I've known aren't necessarily "pussies", they're just impulsive and not very intelligent.

Relationships are like plants, they have to be watered and tended to from time to time, and a lot of these cats are just runnin around doin what they want when they want....gotta make time for the lady, and then the band stuff comes easy.

[Tank]

:thu:

I just file that under the general-purpose "drama" category - who needs it?

Side note: A lot of these types that I've known aren't necessarily "pussies", they're just impulsive and not very intelligent.

Relationships are like plants, they have to be watered and tended to from time to time, and a lot of these cats are just runnin around doin what they want when they want....gotta make time for the lady, and then the band stuff comes easy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's all the woman's fault here. But when I call my bandmate I don't want to hear his SO screaming like a drunken idiot on the other end of the phone while I'm trying to have a conversation with him. I tried that for a lot of years and it just doesn't work. She WILL win, no matter how long it takes. You might as well aviod the headache in the first place if you can.

[Lee Knight]

And that is likely why she is able to demand all of his time. Yes, a person needs to make their relationship top priority if it's going to work out. Sadly, she's going to find out that by sucking all the fun out of his life, she will lose him eventually.


Bingo!

My wife figured this out early on. You've got to let the people you love be themselves. If your SO is keeping you from being you... it's time for a reality check or a walk out the door. Kids or not. You move down the street to stay in constant touch with your children. But nobody should have the power to rob you of the things you love.

[wades_keys]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's all the woman's fault here. But when I call my bandmate I don't want to hear his SO screaming like a drunken idiot on the other end of the phone while I'm trying to have a conversation with him. I tried that for a lot of years and it just doesn't work. She WILL win, no matter how long it takes. You might as well aviod the headache in the first place if you can.
I was agreeing with you, 100%.

When I said "Who needs it", I meant who needs to be in a band with that kind of drama?

[wades_keys]

Bingo!

My wife figured this out early on. You've got to let the people you love be themselves. If your SO is keeping you from being you... it's time for a reality check or a walk out the door. Kids or not. You move down the street to stay in constant touch with your children. But nobody should have the power to rob you of the things you love.
Yeah, that happens.

But just as often it's the guy just being flighty and stupid, IMO.

How hard is it to plan one day a week to do something special with your SO?

If a guy can't do that, then it's no wonder the SO will start to push back a little - no one gets in a relationship to be abandoned.

Under those conditions, is it any wonder some women will feel like they are less important than your band or playing music?

All ya gotta do is think of her - let her know you're thinking of her.

Buy her something, take her out, turn off the computer and cellphone and spend an evening with her...

The band and music will fall right into place then, and your headspace for jammin will be a lot cooler. :thu:

[Tank]

I was agreeing with you, 100%.

When I said "Who needs it", I meant who needs to be in a band with that kind of drama?

I know, I was just clarifying what I said before someone, not you, got upset.

:o

[deepblue]

Man this all just sounds horrible! I can't even imagine....

I have heard The Yoko line before...'We' this and 'We' that from my drummers wife when they first got together...I took it upon myself to straighten her out on that misunderstanding. And this all stems from not knowing that one of the fundamental rules of the music business is that the band consists only of the people that will be performing on the stage. No one else is in the 'band' and all functions are off limits to anyone who isnt in the band. (rehearsals are the prime example)

[axeman25]

Very true. My sister-in-law was dating a drummer. I heard my wifer and her talking and she mentioned that THEY had a gig this weekend. I asked her what instrument she played. Well it's his band but I help out. Right. I tried to tell her what she was actually doing. She didn't get it and got her old man kicked out of the band. I'd like to see the add for that.......Drummer with helpful girlfriend seeks band.

I was away camping for a week and my wife replied to an email from the guys in my band explaining that I couldn't be reached. She was dubbed Yoko from there on out.

[rhat]

Very true. My sister-in-law was dating a drummer. I heard my wifer and her talking and she mentioned that THEY had a gig this weekend. I asked her what instrument she played. Well it's his band but I help out. Right. I tried to tell her what she was actually doing. She didn't get it and got her old man kicked out of the band. I'd like to see the add for that.......Drummer with helpful girlfriend seeks band.

I was away camping for a week and my wife replied to an email from the guys in my band explaining that I couldn't be reached. She was dubbed Yoko from there on out.



Yup i got a friends wife that said that.... needless to say he, ended up quitting that band. He is a great musician and can play with pretty well any band he wants .. but he left the best one he was ever in.

[wades_keys]

Yup i got a friends wife that said that.... needless to say he, ended up quitting that band. He is a great musician and can play with pretty well any band he wants .. but he left the best one he was ever in.
These stories are hilarious...

I'd be in shock if my girlfriend said "we" when talking about a band. It'd be like: "What did you just say - did you say WE?....BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA" :lol:

[MattFacingSouth]

Back when my wife and I were dating I basically told her "If we ever get married, you have to keep in mind that I expect to play live music the rest of my life."

Five years and two kids later, it seems to be working out well. She understands why I do it, especially when she comes to a gig and sees the effect the music has on people. Ocasionally I goof and book too many gigs in a short timespan and she freaks out a little, but overall she's very understanding - moreso now that a portion of the money I make on the side is going into our "family vacation fund."

But we did go through some growing pains, especially as it pertained to female audience members. I told her, "look at me, I'm the biggest nerd up there; I play keyboards. The lead singer gets all the girls." Which is 100% true to this day. In fact, I've come to realize that if a girl is ever talking to me it's because she's trying to get connected to the singer. That's become a running joke between me and our bass player, who isn't even afforded the luxury of crowd contact (something about dark corners and a bass).

[Lee Knight]

But just as often it's the guy just being flighty and stupid, IMO.

How hard is it to plan one day a week to do something special with your SO?

If a guy can't do that, then it's no wonder the SO will start to push back a little - no one gets in a relationship to be abandoned.

Under those conditions, is it any wonder some women will feel like they are less important than your band or playing music?

All ya gotta do is think of her - let her know you're thinking of her.

Buy her something, take her out, turn off the computer and cellphone and spend an evening with her...

The band and music will fall right into place then, and your headspace for jammin will be a lot cooler. :thu:

Totaly, that's why I put SO instead of wife. Ya gosta to pay respect to get respect.