Auditions From HELL!!

[nitekattz2007]

I am a pro keyboardist, I had some interesting auditions through the years, so I thought I would highlite a few experiences.

One time, I answered an ad, keyboardist wanted for an org Chicago type group. I called the singer/writer and he told me they were auditioning players at this really dirty, crumby rehearsal studio in Los Angeles. Asked about the tunes and he said they were all originals and not worry, they just wanted to hear me jam with the band. I pulled in the back and it was scary!

I set up my ole trusty DX-7 and ran it direct to the board. So since I didn't know any tunes, the bass player said we should just play a blues. I said, in G, C, F, my fav blues keys. The bass player BTW was very smirkish, unfriendly attitude, I could tell he was going to be an issue if I joined this group. he looked at me and sneered, no let's play one in B, thinking that's a hard key for piano, because of slides and grace notes. But because I had studied at Berklee and we had to learn to play in all 12 keys, no problem. So we started jamming and he yelled, keyboard solo. I pulled out all stops and played every lick I knew and I think surprised him. After we stopped, he didn't say a word. Anyway, the frontman, said, dude that was great, you're IN. I said I would let him know in a day or two as i was checking some other bands out. I never called him, but a week later he called and asked if I was interested. I told him honestly because the bass player was such a prick, i wasn't interested. he understood because that nite, he told him to pack it up and get lost, even though he was a decent player

more stories later. Anyone else care to post their auditions from HELL?

katt

[Hollow body]

I hate when someone tells you he's great, would love to play, has all this gear, blah blah, and then he comes to the audition and just sucks. Happenned the other night with a bass player. I mean, I'm glad these guys have self esteem and all that, but don't they know they're going to have to come up with the goods?

Then there was the drummer who just sat there, sticks poised, concentrating mightily when we'd start a song. Wouldn't play, because he didn't know the song. I finally said to just start a groove you like to play, and we'll join in. He was like "Groove?"

Sheesh.

[StratMonster]

I had a band that was looking for a guitar player come to my last gig of the band I was with. I met them all, they were all cool except for the other guitarist. He was standoffish and didnt have much to say other than talk a little gear with me.

They stayed for 3 sets and then told me where to be and when. I showed up at a barn they rehearsed in and setup. We played and had no problems with the music, it was a pretty comfortable fit I thought. They set up a mich for me for background vocals and all. During the jam the other guitarist kept coming over and singing backup through my mich with me. And I noticed that he was WAY off on all the harmonies and really kinda sucked.

They called me and ask me to join and I told them I was interested but we really needed to get our background vocals nailed and he explained that the other guitarist had quit. He never ever sang backup, he only did because I did and he was mad at me for doing it??. He said he wasnt going to play with me in the band so I got the gig and he disappeared. Which bit because he was a decent player, just had no vocal skills....

whatever

[nitekattz2007]

Yeah, another time we were putting together a cover band and had all the guys we needed except a good guitar player. We needed a guy who could play a few standards, Girl from Ipanema, Misty and then move on to Santana, few Beatles tunes, Doors, some disco, etc. the guitar player said he had just graduated with honors and knew "everything." We were also going for a clean cut black tie image and LA casual.

We were waiting around and a knock on the garage door, we open and our mouths are hanging open. here comes in this dude with a Marshall stack, big "vV' guitars, waist hair with purplestreaks, piercings, tattoos, etc. Now don't get me wrong it doesn't matter to me what a player's image is as long as it can fit into what we're doing, but this dude looked like he should have toured with Ozzy, not a city cover band.

Well we set up and I gave the guy a set list and asked what he knew on the first dinner set and he shrugged and starts going into some kind of loud ass Van Halen riff, totally in this hypnotic gaze. "Hey, whoa dude, hold on." We don't play Van Halen. How about Girl From Ipanema? We start vamping on the intro and the guitar player starts playing some strange loud vamp from HELL, nowhere near the bossa style. I asked if he needed a Real Book, and he said he could "read" anything. So we gave him the book and then we started the vamp and he was in 2-3 keys, some grunge mode, not F which the music is written in.

This went on for about 20 minutes and really the only thing this guy could pull off were a few Van Halen riffs and some HM, etc. Then he asked, "well, what do ya think, have i got the gig or what? I said, "kid let me give you some advice, if you plan to work in a cover band, pack up your rig, get a master songlist that everyone knows, hole up for about a year and learn 50-100 tunes you can play." The kid shrugged and said for us to keep watching MTV, as he was the next Van Halen.

Anyway, This has happened a few other times but thank goodness, miminally. katt

[nitekattz2007]

LochNess, that brings back another audition memory when I answered an ad from a "cover" band. When I got to the house where the audition was, everyone was clean cut, gazzy eyes, etc. I asked to see the songlist and compare what I might know, and I saw unfamiliar tunes like "Master of The Myster," Spiritual Hard-On, Amayzed Gazed Daze, Wisdom Attack, etc. I asked the guy, where these tunes came from, and of course they were the band's originals.

He put on a tape so I could check out the tunes, and man they were out there, kinda adult ambient class. I listened and the guys asked me to get ready and jam. I said I don't know the tunes, so they said "just play what the universe whispers in your ear." Uh, yeah, right

So we start playing and i try to play some crazy pads, and then the band fades out and they start chanting some foreign tongue. I stand there not saying a word and then they asked me if I had heard of Zen, blah, blah. I heard of it, but it wasn't the path i followed and they explained they need a keyboard player to be "with them spiritually." I said thanks but no thanks, packed it up and split fast.

Now I am not against anyone's spiritual path or direction, but this was wierd

katt

[Tweeker50]

My favorite auditions have been when I've been asked to learn a dozen or so songs. First, I'm not given a chart, tape, even keys or arrangement - just asked to learn from the recording - cause "we do it like the record".
I end up knowing the material better than the band. They struggle with their own arrangement - NOT like the record (hey - isn't that when the guitar break comes in? etc) and I remind various players of the correct changes (inevitably pissing someone off for seeming like a know it all).
When I mention that the practice volume is loud enough to be gig volume, I'm told that's how they like it, and "hey man we're all here for the love of the music - so chill".
When I go to these auditions, I always hope for the best but expect the worst. These bands usually claim to be "established" and "working", but are usually neither.

[nitekattz2007]

Tweeker, that also is parallel with auditions that end up in the wrong direction. Meaning we are sent the songs on CD, told to pick 6-8 out of 10, learn them the best you can, blah, blah. Then we get to the audition and then the band starts playing and jamming with every song on the list except the audition tunes, ending up a big mess.

As a keyboardist, I expect the band to have a list with songs that includes keyboard parts, not HM, hard rock, etc. Some of the auditions ended up with an AC/CD session which I know nothing about. it really gets quite comical, as these memories come back.

Another audition, a bass player asked me if I knew where "B" was located on fretboard, sorry couldn't help him. And the other time I got to the audition and the drummer said his drums were in 3 difference locations and would I mind driving him from the valley, to DT LA, to Pasadena. Oh boy

katt

[Guitar Centaur]

Tweeker, that also is parallel with auditions that end up in the wrong direction. Meaning we are sent the songs on CD, told to pick 6-8 out of 10, learn them the best you can, blah, blah. Then we get to the audition and then the band starts playing and jamming with every song on the list except the audition tunes, ending up a big mess.

As a keyboardist, I expect the band to have a list with songs that includes keyboard parts, not HM, hard rock, etc. Some of the auditions ended up with an AC/CD session which I know nothing about. it really gets quite comical, as these memories come back.

Another audition, a bass player asked me if I knew where "B" was located on fretboard, sorry couldn't help him. And the other time I got to the audition and the drummer said his drums were in 3 difference locations and would I mind driving him from the valley, to DT LA, to Pasadena. Oh boy

katt


I went to an audition for a VERY popular band in my area once, and they laid it out specifically which songs I'd be auditioning to, which parts I should learn and also explained that they "did them just like the originals, including altered tunings".

OK, no problem. At least I know exactly what's expected of me.

I dot every I and cross every T, and know my parts inside and out when I arrive for the audition.

During the set (about 10 songs), the other guitar player is playing my part and singing my back up on 7 of the 10, and the drummer (who actually sucked) only knew maybe half the songs.

Seems the band decided to use audition time to learn new material.

:rolleyes:

Luckily, I just joined a unit that seems to be of almost exactly the same mindset as me, and I think this will be a lot of fun. It's so much better when everyone is on the same page musically!

[strathappy]

Great stuff, thanks for sharing!

One time in my old band, which was a funk/jazz/fusion thing, we put out an ad looking for a percussionist. So a few people came out, nothing outstanding. Then one day our drummer comes in to rehearsal and says a guy called about the ad and is coming tonight to audition.
He says he told the guy to show up at 7:00pm. So we start playing at 5:30.
6:00 rolls around and there's a knock on the studio door, we yell "come in" in walks this black dude who we all assume is one of the homeless folks from the alley outside. Our drummer says,"uh, can we help you"? The guy says,"Yeah,I'm here to audition to be yo' percussionist" We all looked at each other in disbelief. This fucking dude had this huge half matted afro,a long brown beat up leather trench coat and what appeared to be a small child's tee shirt underneath it. He was also sporting some fabulous brown polyester trousers that were riding a good 9-10 inches above the tops of his lime green "adiddas" with the extra stripe! Our drummer says, Ok, but I told you to be here at 7:00, your like an hour early. The dude comes un-hooked and starts yelling, Look man, I came down here on the motherfuckin' bus, I ain't got no fuckin' control over the speed of the motherfucker! it gets here when it gets here, shit!
By now we are all too stunned to say anything, and for some reason, one of us said, where's your gear?:confused: The guy says, Well I decided I'd rather play keyboards with y'all instead.
Again we're to stunned to properly react. There just happened to be a beat up old upright piano against the wall in the studio, and the guy walks right on over and sits down, and says, alright lets play some blues!
So at this point it's so fucking surreal that for some reason I want to jam with this whack job just to see what the fuck. I said ok, what key you wanna play in? he says, G So we start this half ass 1 4 5 vamp in G, and the guy starts screaming, Oh yeah goddammit! that's the fuckin' shit right there I'ma tear this motherfucker to pieces! All the while he's bouncing around on the bench, shaking his fro all over the fucking place.
All of a sudden he starts to play, well, "play" may be a bit optimistic, he started bashing and pounding all over the keys. It sounded like 4 or 5 cats running around on the piano.
His back was to us and we were in tears with laughter. We played a few rounds and then I waved everyone off and we stopped.
He spun around on the bench, stood up and said, Well now that you know I can play, am I in yo' group or what?:eek:
Stunned I tell you, speachless! Our drummer managed to mumble, I'll give you a call when we decide.
With that, he turned without a word and split. We all just sat there in silence for a few seconds staring at the door, then all at once we all fell out of our chairs laughing.
That was like 10 yrs. ago, and we still laugh about it:)

[mfergel]

[QUOTE=Crustycabs;21724028]

Seems the band decided to use audition time to learn new material.
QUOTE]


A lot of bands tend to do that, including the one I'm in, which drives me crazy.

[StratMonster]

Before I could open my mouth to say... 'thanks but no thanks'...my wife blurts out.."yee haw, lets get it on!!"


WTF?!?!?.... you stopped right when it got good!...lol. Did you grab her up and get out? Was she joking?. Man, I'd had my gear in the car and with or without her I'd be gone...

That's seriously screwed up...:thu:

[newmaxnew]

I was in a cover band a few years back and the drummer said he had run into a girl that we both used to know that had played in another local cover band a few years back. She had been quiet good when I had saw her perform with other band a few years back so all agreed to have her come by and audition.

So she shows up and I almost didn't recognize her. She looked like she had just crawled out of a ditch. She looked bad and smelled ten times worse. She could still play and sing well but we couldn't get out of there fast enough due to her overwhelming stench. We didn't call her back as none of wanted to be subjected to her rancid aroma again.

Max

[Scafeets]

A few years ago, our cover band keyboard player moved to CA, so we advertised for a replacement. A dude came over and I can only describe his playing as "Cecil Taylor (http://www.cecil-taylor.com/music.html) meets Sun Ra (http://www.dpo.uab.edu/~moudry/)." There are times when I can actually find a pattern or semblance of musical structure in Taylor's and Sun Ra's work, so this may be an unfair comparison.

This guy sounded more like a thousand spider monkies dancing on a piano.

Whatever song we called, he said he knew it, then proceeded to play the most random shit I ever heard. We kept our poker faces on, thanked him, and said "we'll call you if you're in."

[B Money]

in a previous band, we were looking for a new bass player. We auditioned a couple of rejects until we got around to a candidate that we thought had potential. He came in with decent gear, and he talked a good game.
So we got into jamming on a couple songs with him, one of which is in "Drop D" tuning.
We spent a minute jamming and it sounded horrible. It was obvious that the bass player was in another key entirely, yet apparently couldn't hear it and was merrily thumping away as if nothing was amiss. Me and the other guys were shooting glances at each other and trying not to laugh.
It was soon clear that the guy was tone deaf and lacked any sense of timing.
We thanked him for his time, sent him on his way, and proceeded to laugh our balls off at this clown.
Another time me and my guitar pal were looking to start a new band. Found a drummer in the next town through a local musician's web site. So we load our stacks into the car and drive about 45 miles to meet this guy at his house. Get there, he's a cool guy, decent kit, rehersal room decked out with posters, etc..but very nervous about playing. We setup our gear and tried to get a jam going, but the guy would only play a few measures and then stop. We asked him what songs he knows since we had a liked a lot of the same bands..."i usually just play along to the CD's".
Well ok, then let's play something. It went on and on with us suggesting a song and him knocking it down until finally we just gave up and went home, having never actually played anything. Pathetic

[MattFacingSouth]

ROFL. I'm dying here!

These are all obvious examples of what happens when expectations don't coincide.

[JBJ]

strathappy that story had me in stitches:thu:


mines kinda pale in comparison to these.

we had one guy we know come in to audition to drum so stoned he would miss cymbals every once in a while.

i auditioned a guitarist and bass player brother sister duo for a band. the sis was pretty solid on bass but none of them brought a tuner and decided to tune off of my guitar. i have no clue what they would or do do when someone doesnt have a tuner:confused:

the guitarist then proceeded to play pretty simple licks in our songs wrong and then would go into these stupid weedly weedly shred solo's which in all fairness, don't exactly suit our flickerstick-esque sound.


i auditioned to drum for a bon jovi tribute band a few months back and they had some cracking stories of drummers. they said one of the best guys to turn up before me was a guy with one arm that's how bad the auditions had been. he had some sort of attachment to his arm that he put a stick in and would wail away :thu:

[Guitar Centaur]

i auditioned to drum for a bon jovi tribute band a few months back and they had some cracking stories of drummers. they said one of the best guys to turn up before me was a guy with one arm that's how bad the auditions had been. he had some sort of attachment to his arm that he put a stick in and would wail away :thu:

Maybe there was a Def Leppard tribute band auditioning in the same studio?

[SpaceNorman]

My fave was a bass player who came to audition with us. Showed up with what seemed to be a buh-zillion bucks worth of gear - which included a fretless as well as a high tech rack and cabinet amp set-up. He got his stuff hooked up and proceded to tune and then play a bunch of real fast stuff - which we all took as an encouraging sign. However, reality struck home quickly when we realized that the guy couldn't "walk" a simple blues bassline...and had to ask what came next in what was a simple I-IV-V 12 bar progression. The clincher was his digital tuner - which announced in 2 inch high LED letters just how far out in left field he was at any point in a tune.

The pisser was that when we said thanks but no thanks - he got downright hostile. Despite being "nice" in several attempts to deliver the rejection - he wasn't taking no for an answer. I had to up the ante - and finally suggested he toss a little "Rock'n Roll tape" over his tuner readout at his next audition so it doesn't blow his cover completely!

He finally got the picture and split....

The SpaceNorman :freak:
_____________________
www.rhythm21band.com

[nitekattz2007]

Here is another one. In the mid 80's there was an opportunity for me to join an Asian tour cover band playing Beatles, oldies, etc. Anyway, we had all the spots filled except we needed a good solid classic rock, R&B drummer. We heard 2 one Sat rehearsal, and nothing raised the dead.

But then, THE DRUMMER came through the door. This cat really could get into the groove, knew the tunes, styles, had the right tuning and great cymbals. We ran about 12 tunes and I was ready to admit, we found our guy. He and I clicked and it was like we were on the same page on accents, dynamics, etc

Before the dude split, we told him he was great and we would let him know of our decision, we had our pow-wow. Everyone in the band agreed that the best cat for the band was that dude, except for one problem, the lead singer, a female, had major problems, because in her words," He's not ballable. I have a thing for drummers and he doesn't have the look. My last boyfriend was a drummer."

Uh, well, kiddo, this band has 4 members, 3 have agreed that we want the dude. She said, to go ahead and offer him the gig, but look for another singer. Well, the bass player was tight with da chick and it had to be her way or the highway. Anyway, we had some other drummers come through, nothing in the class as the dude, but then a pretty boy came through the door that was inexperienced and basically sucked big-time, but he had "the look." Oh man, the singer though was creemin in her jeans and said, "He's a fox, he's the one I want, in more ways than one."

Well, I was pissed giving into Miss Prima Donna, so I called the leader and told her I wasn't happy with the new drummer, so she said take it or leave it. So I left it.

Anyway, I heard they went to Japan, the singer started doing the drummer, it created problems and the band cancelled the tour 2 months early in a total disaster. Another audition bites the dust on the pedal

katt

[RoboCop00]

Wow, what a irresponsible selfish bitch.

[JBJ]

Here is another one. In the mid 80's there was an opportunity for me to join an Asian tour cover band playing Beatles, oldies, etc. Anyway, we had all the spots filled except we needed a good solid classic rock, R&B drummer. We heard 2 one Sat rehearsal, and nothing raised the dead.

But then, THE DRUMMER came through the door. This cat really could get into the groove, knew the tunes, styles, had the right tuning and great cymbals. We ran about 12 tunes and I was ready to admit, we found our guy. He and I clicked and it was like we were on the same page on accents, dynamics, etc

Before the dude split, we told him he was great and we would let him know of our decision, we had our pow-wow. Everyone in the band agreed that the best cat for the band was that dude, except for one problem, the lead singer, a female, had major problems, because in her words," He's not ballable. I have a thing for drummers and he doesn't have the look. My last boyfriend was a drummer."

Uh, well, kiddo, this band has 4 members, 3 have agreed that we want the dude. She said, to go ahead and offer him the gig, but look for another singer. Well, the bass player was tight with da chick and it had to be her way or the highway. Anyway, we had some other drummers come through, nothing in the class as the dude, but then a pretty boy came through the door that was inexperienced and basically sucked big-time, but he had "the look." Oh man, the singer though was creemin in her jeans and said, "He's a fox, he's the one I want, in more ways than one."

Well, I was pissed giving into Miss Prima Donna, so I called the leader and told her I wasn't happy with the new drummer, so she said take it or leave it. So I left it.

Anyway, I heard they went to Japan, the singer started doing the drummer, it created problems and the band cancelled the tour 2 months early in a total disaster. Another audition bites the dust on the pedal

katt


ha stupid bitch.

the one thing i can;t stand about bands is ego and i'll never join another band where a grown man or woman acts like a child over a song or band member or something like that.

i got invited to an audition a few weeks back. not really my thing but it was a friend who asked so i said i'd think about it. i asked what tunes they play and it was all van halen, dream theatre and metal stuff which i'm not into. i asked if i could suggest any songs and he got kinda sheepish and said well our guitar player really just likes playing what he likes...

aka this one dude (whos almost double our age might i add) dictates what the whole band plays.:rolleyes: i left it.

fuck ive tried to keep bands going with ex girlfriends with really bad splits just because it was a good band and i wouldn't let my ego or any emotions get into things as much as possible:freak:

[Outrider]

One guy who stopped by to try out on guitar actually led off by saying, "Hey guys, I want to apologize in advance if I totally zone out, get really irritable and rude, or start calling people names. I'm on disability due to an on-the-job electric shock and I sometimes don't know what's going on." :eek:

He was a pretty good player, though!

[Jimi Ray Halen]

I was at an audition for a second guitarist once and when the bass player told him that they tuned to Eb to make it easier for the vocals, he said "Oh. Well, I don't know how to transpose and it will throw all my fingerings off." :confused: :D

[nitekattz2007]

Although this thread was mainly focusing on auditions, I have two hellish memories of "orginal artists" that wanted me to add some organ and synth parts to their original "work" so they could get "signed"

This dude called me up one day, because he heard I had a B-3 and Leslie and he said he'd written some blues tunes and he wanted to put a demo together. I said, ok, come on over and bring his guitar and I had a small PA set up so we could jam. He comes over, sets up and told me the changes are vamp on E and E for verse then go to B, etc. He placed a small cheat sheet on the organ with the title, "97 Million Miles Up The Asshole"
"Uh, dude, what's this, are you kiddin' me or something? With a straight face, the dude was as serious as could be. So we start playing and he starts "singing"

"Well, it's 97 million miles up the asshole baby, 97 million oh yeahhhhhh
Well, it's not 96, 95, or 94 man
And it's not 98 or 99 million either baby, it' 97 yeahhh
And I have to get through all this shit man
Before I CAN MAKE IT BABY, IN THIS FUCKED UP WORLD, Oh Yeahhhhhhh"

This "blues" tune was too much and I was almost peeing in my jeans laughing so hard. The dude, writer was so serious and couldn't understand why I couldn't "get it" I just played along and couldn't stop laughing, even though the dude was serious about his "work"

Another time a guy I knew told me to drop by and see all his new keyboards, computers, PA and he wanted to jam. I dropped over to his house and sure enough, the room was filled with equipment.

He had some weird pads set up on the keyboard and started running a sequence on the Mac. He said just try to play something earthy and dark as he sang. "this tune I'm working on to send to WB because I have an in there."

Well he steps up to the the mike and starts singing this bizarre dark lyrics:

"Yeah, well the oceans are dead, we're all gonna diiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee
The oceans are dead we're all gonna fryyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaa
I know it's been said, we're all gonna cryyeeeeeeee
Better just take a gun, put it to our head and end it all on a diiiem"

This went on and on until I about split a hernia nerve laughing so hard. The dude wasn't laughing and told me i didn't understand what great "music" was. Anyway, I looked at my watch and told him, nice rig, but I gotta split and that was the end of another session from HELL!

[jwlussow]

We had put an ad in the Illinois Entertainer for a Chicago area keyboardist for our mostly cover band. We had one guy show up with the worst "I'm wasting my time auditioning for you" attitude. It was weird that he came in so superior to us. He was a good player and handled everything we threw at him. We knew immediatly that we were not a good fit so we played a little jammed a bit and called it a night. 6 months later we ran into him at Excalibur (a very popular downtown Chicago club) where we were one of the house bands (making boucou bucks) and he was a waiter/busboy. He actually came up to us while we were onstage with Lionel Cole, Dave Roberts, Peter Quinn, Willie Wainwright, Jamie St. James and Kiefer Sutherland. He asked if he could come up and jam and we said "no". Payback is a bitch.

[flemtone]

"Well, it's 97 million miles up the asshole baby, 97 million oh yeahhhhhh
Well, it's not 96, 95, or 94 man
And it's not 98 or 99 million either baby, it' 97 yeahhh
And I have to get through all this shit man
Before I CAN MAKE IT BABY, IN THIS FUCKED UP WORLD, Oh Yeahhhhhhh"



"Hey, do you know "97 Million Miles Up the Asshole"?

"Know it? I WROTE it!"

:badump:

(sorry, I couldn't control myself...)

[Spin Cycle]

A few years ago, our cover band keyboard player moved to CA, so we advertised for a replacement. A dude came over and I can only describe his playing as "Cecil Taylor (http://www.cecil-taylor.com/music.html) meets Sun Ra (http://www.dpo.uab.edu/~moudry/)." There are times when I can actually find a pattern or semblance of musical structure in Taylor's and Sun Ra's work, so this may be an unfair comparison.

This guy sounded more like a thousand spider monkies dancing on a piano.

Whatever song we called, he said he knew it, then proceeded to play the most random shit I ever heard. We kept our poker faces on, thanked him, and said "we'll call you if you're in."

Hey, I like Sun Ra. :)

[nitekattz2007]

yes, I'm still laughing remembering the 97 million session. Basically, the dude was trying to put across that his whole world was shit and he had to plow through all the world shit which was one big universal asshole, before he could be recognized for his "shit."

The ultimate Freudian analyzation.

Now if that makes sense, I guess in his mind it does too

katt:cool:

[flemtone]

This guy sounded more like a thousand spider monkies dancing on a piano.

Now THAT'S quite a mental image! Great description.




(and would make a great band name, if it didn't remind me of a Bruce Hornsby song...!)

[guitarsjb]

We auditioned a singer who brought his wife, kids and mother. We didn't specify "closed" auditions, didn't think we had to. We don't mind if you bring you gir/boyfriend wife/husband whatever..but the whole family?
Anyhow, dude was BAD. Really really BAD..and we are kind of a death metal band..so ya really gotta work to be bad a growling...he was BAD.
After we get over the intitial shock of his "badness" he asks if he's in the band. We tell him we'll get back to him after all the auditions are over. Well him and the family start insisting on knowing if he's in or not. We keep trying to avoid answering him..finally we just said, no dude, we don't think you're what we are looking for.
All hell breaks loose, the wife and mother start yelling at us, the kids start crying, he's just freaking out in general. What a mess..
We finally get in through his head that he's NOT going to be in the band no matter how much his kids cry etc..so they leave.
We we were in shock for the first 10 mins..we just stood there staring at the door.

[Mick5150]

Here are a few good ones:

Had a Bass player come audition for our band last year, he called me hours before asking if I had a Bass he could use because he pawned it off earlier in the week!

Many times I have auditioned for bands that did not know the song list they gave me. It sounds like we have all had the same issues in this department.

Back in the "Hair Band" days we auditioned a guy who claimed he played guitar on Slaughters album that was all over the radio at the time. We pulled out the CD and did not notice his name anywhere in the credits, he says he was friends with them and played most of the tracks for free. THEN..... we tell him we could jam out to "Up all night" since it was on our setlist at the time, but he says he only played it once in the studio and could not recall how to play it.

[KeysBear]

When our lead singer was going to be away at "camp" for a few months we posted a sign at a local music store. A kid about 19 answered the ad. Turned out he had a great voice and seemed to be outgoing then at the end of the audition he turned to me and said "you know where I can score some smack, I'm getting strung out." End of audition.

My worst audition was a few weeks ago when I was asked to learn four songs straight off a demo CD and they had to be exact. No charts, just the CD. I picked up every note then had to deal with a manager who apparently had never listened to the band's own CD enough to know that I nailed it all. After he stopped me cold complaining that I missed the phrases I had to play the CD for him and point out the parts. He apologized.

:cool:

[Scafeets]

Hey, I like Sun Ra. :)

Me too, when I'm in the mood. Now picture him playing his stuff in a cover band.

[Scafeets]

(and would make a great band name, if it didn't remind me of a Bruce Hornsby song...!)
:D Somebody has to shred piano.

[nerol1st]

"Well, it's 97 million miles up the asshole baby, 97 million oh yeahhhhhh
Well, it's not 96, 95, or 94 man
And it's not 98 or 99 million either baby, it' 97 yeahhh
And I have to get through all this shit man
Before I CAN MAKE IT BABY, IN THIS FUCKED UP WORLD, Oh Yeahhhhhhh"

"Yeah, well the oceans are dead, we're all gonna diiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee
The oceans are dead we're all gonna fryyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaa
I know it's been said, we're all gonna cryyeeeeeeee
Better just take a gun, put it to our head and end it all on a diiiem"



Your post was the only one I actually laughed out loud at. I pictured steven tyler singing that shit and I just busted out.

[GDan]

Worst audition I ever had was with a band I met online. Their influences seem ok, they say they are playing orignals but for audition they'd expect me to learn some covers, fair enough.

I meet up with them, singer/guitarist and bassist and they seem okay, if a little over bearing ("wow, this is amazing! You like all the same music I do! Its like we were meant to be in a band together! its like you're me!" Uh, okay dude.)

We go to their rehersal space and the singer says not to be alarmed but their drummer is a little bit young (I was 19, the they're both 18) I say I'm fine with that, expecting like 15/16 or such.

He's 12.

Although as it turns out, the only member of the band who can actually play his instrument. Oh holy hell did they suck. Half way through the audtion the singer suggests we try Radioheads "Creep". "I can sing that one" he says. I'm looking at him and I'm thinking "Bollocks you can sing that one, Creep is deceptively hard song to sing for a decent singer. And from what I've heard of you, you are not a decent singer" but what I say is, "Ok."

It was painful, when we get to the "Run/Run/Run/Running..." bit he reaches the limit of his voice and just starts balls out screaming. I've had enough by this point so I make my excuses and go. Now I never audition with a band unless they can send me a demo of them beforehand. it doesent have to be a good demo, just a 10 second clip of them playing would have been enough to recognise that I should have avoided that one.

[nitekattz2007]

Your post was the only one I actually laughed out loud at. I pictured steven tyler singing that shit and I just busted out.

Nero. Glad you got a few laughs like I have all these years, life is filled with surprises, that's for sure. Yeah, something like that 97 million and "ocean" session comes along maybe once in a lifetime. Memories like that could never be remembered without being involved in the sometimes whacky and crazy music biz. What is really pathetic though, is these dudes were actually quite serious about their "music" and thought that producers would see their "genius" and sign them to a 6 figure contract. Oh man, too much

katt

[wades_keys]

A previous band I was in was looking for a singer - the bass player says he "know somebody" - turns out that means someone bought a mic from his pawnshop and they started talking.

Well, we were a little apprehensive but figured, "how bad can it get?"

So the guy shows up, dirty mousy girlfriend in tow, whiskey bottle in hand.

We figured he'd take a few swigs and then try to sing....Well we go into Rebel Yell and this guy has the bottle in one hand, mic in the other.

He's taking huge belts off the fifth and then screaming the most out of tune vocals imaginable. He's also huge and mean looking, so we let him finish the tune.

Time for a "break" - he continues to guzzle the whiskey, but now he starts berating his girlfriend and talking about how fun it is to go to bars and kick some ass...

Great - we don't wanna rile this moron so back we go - same result, spewing whiskey vapor everywhere in my basement.

We couldn't call it a night fast enough. Afterwards the room reeked like the inside of a whiskey bottle - I had to get 2 fans and leave the door open for a good hour.

Never again...

[ggm1960]

Nero. Glad you got a few laughs like I have all these years, life is filled with surprises, that's for sure. Yeah, something like that 97 million and "ocean" session comes along maybe once in a lifetime. Memories like that could never be remembered without being involved in the sometimes whacky and crazy music biz. What is really pathetic though, is these dudes were actually quite serious about their "music" and thought that producers would see their "genius" and sign them to a 6 figure contract. Oh man, too much

katt

You're a real hoot kattz! If my family hadn't moved us out of LA back in '69 I can't help but think I'd have some similar stories.
I started piano there at age 5 with a lady that lived in the hollywood hills and had learned from the guy that wrote the instruction books. Wish I could remember the names. The books started with A, B, C, etc

[Raspberry]

We couldn't call it a night fast enough. Afterwards the room reeked like the inside of a whiskey bottle - I had to get 2 fans and leave the door open for a good hour.

Never again...

That sounds weird. Why would drinking whiskey make the whole room smell like whiskey?

Unless your practise room is an airing cupboard....

[wades_keys]

That sounds weird. Why would drinking whiskey make the whole room smell like whiskey?

Unless your practise room is an airing cupboard....

Because he would take a drink, and then belt "vocals" at the top of his longs.

No shit - it was like standing in front of a whiskey fan or something - you could almost feel the vapor coming out of his mouth.

I swear you could taste the whiskey in the air by the time he was through!